Dubai: Thoughts about trailing spouses

A lot of women come to Dubai with their husbands, who’ve been offered a job in the region, and in a flash, they’ll go from being busy with their own careers to become stay-at-home latte moms who would fill their days with mani-pedis and coffee dates with newfound friends in the same boat. I’ve always promised myself that the day it would happen to me, would be the day we’ll be leaving Dubai.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m looking down on those women in any way. Not at all. Trust me, it takes a lot of strength (and Frappuccinos) to watch your own career go on infinite stand-by. The reason why I wouldn’t want to see myself in that situation is that it would mean that I had given up on ideals and ambitions very dear to me. I think that kind of compromises are bound to affect the way you look at yourself and indirectly your spouse, who would be the one to blame the reason why you’ve made those compromises in the first place.

During the years we’ve been in Dubai, I’ve been commuting back and forth to Copenhagen, where I study. It’s been really tough and many times, I’ve been close to just give it all up, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I know I’ve made the right choice. I’ve taken a lot of breaks, and I still have a year and a half to go, but I’m determined to see it through, because it gives me a kind of self-esteem, which I know that a lot the other women down here are struggling to find. My friend Hanna has a master’s degree in HR, and her dissertation was about what happens to all of us so-called trailing spouses, when we suddenly have to redefine completely who we are. If you’re interested in reading her dissertation I’m sure it can be arranged.